Election Day!

I apologize for my absence from commentating on today’s political situation

Photo Credit: NYT

Dear Subscriber,

I apologize for my absence from commentating on today’s political situation and the erosion of democracy as practiced by the so-called Republican Party — though it barely resembles the Republicans I and my wife, Judith, grew up with. The sense of decency has all but disappeared, although there are a few Republicans left that I respect. Liz, for instance, is wonderful.

The truth is that I had to take a long absence from this newsletter, due to some of the difficulties that Judith and I have been having, which I understand are neither appropriate nor desirable for me to discuss in the “pages” of this newsletter, any given reader coming here only or primarily to learn what I have to say about the state of our democracy today.

And so I will refrain from discussing my relationship with Judith, and with my son, Daniel, both of which have been strained this year by the downfall of democracy and various failings of our own as a family, except where it makes sense to “make the political personal,” a phrase that I learned from an online class about the downfall of democracy that I took during the COVID-19 pandemic, which thankfully seems to be retreating into the rearview. Now there are other issues to discuss; the mask has been removed.

I Discuss Changes in My Relationship with Judith

I know that I said earlier that I would not discuss my relationship with Judith, my wife, as it exists here in central Florida, where the two of us resided for a long time in relative comfort, especially when you look at the state of suffering exemplified in the majority of the human race. I have a pool, a balcony. I live near a lake.

However, there are some changes in my relationship with Judith which are perhaps more than a little material in terms of the lens through which I view and commentate on current events today.

In particular there is the fact that Judith and I are no longer, in the strict sense, “together.” While we are certainly not divorced by any stretch, it would perhaps be fair to frame what has happened between us as a separation. Though she suggested it in the wake of my behavior on our trip to Chicago, during which I ruined dinner due to a jealousy of my son that I am still attempting to work through in psychotherapy once per month, I have to say that it was more or less mutual, in the sense that I agreed to it — our separation.

At the same time it is not easy being in the house that we shared for decades and knowing that in the past she would be cleaning lint from the curtains, or she would be outside tending to her small garden plot, or else fixing dinner in the kitchen — it occurs to me now that she was responsible for more in the household than I realized at the time, though it’s true that I compensated for this perhaps possible inequality with estimable conversations, during which I aired my views on the issues and such of the day, arousing and stimulating new thoughts in us both.

Though it is true that during the last five or six years of our marriage, which still of course formally exists, she would stand and go into another room in the middle of these conversations — into the living room, out to the pool, onto the balcony, whichever room was not the one where I was — it is also true that over time I grew to understand that having such conversations, which perhaps could of course be seen not as conversations as such but something more one-sided, was pushing my wife away, leading us eventually to separate. It is mysterious to me why I continued to have these conversations anyway.

The relevance of these serious, if manageable, changes in my relationship with Judith, to whom I am still formally married, to our political situation today in Florida and America will soon become clear. That is, I have taken a long break from observing our politics. For a long time I could not even read the news, because the news would remind me of the two of us out on the balcony in the days when we had a more equitable exchange of views, sipping espresso which came fresh from the automated machine in which one inserts small and recyclable packets. It would remind me as well of the time when the airing of views on the issues and such of the day became one-sided and I could not stop this process of decay, one I was responsible for but could not control in such moments.

Yet for the past month or so I have been able to read the news. I am quite thankful for this development, and I will now be happy to share my thoughts on the question of today’s midterm elections.

I Share My Thoughts on the Question of Today’s Midterm Elections

It will not surprise my readers, who in the past have always been fairly well educated, most of them being friends, acquaintances, and relatives of mine, that in today’s midterm elections, democracy is on the line.

For instance, there is today’s gubernatorial race in Florida, from which “Ron Death Sentence” will almost certainly emerge as the winner — unfortunate after his antics throughout and after the pandemic, but of course there is perhaps a part of me that thinks we deserve to lose if we continue to nominate Charlie Crist as a candidate for federal office. Many of you will no doubt have seen Ron’s recent ad, in which a voice anoints him as the hand of God in governing Florida and eventually, the implication goes, the nation.

It is true that of course after seeing this ad, I was tempted to send it to Judith, who is living alone in a condominium downtown. I have not talked to her in a month, and it is true as well that for so long she was the person to whom I aired my views about “Ron Death Sentence” and his antics throughout and after the pandemic to peddle red meat to the base. (I remember a time when I tried to coin “Red Meat Peddler” as a nickname for “Ron Death Sentence” during dinner at a steakhouse with Judith, and she let me know with a measure of respect for the attempt that she did not think it was particularly catchy. Both of us laughed then — it was faintly ridiculous —and I asked, “Should we order another glass?”)

It is of course perhaps the case that after seeing the ad, I opened a new email to Judith in my Outlook client, sitting with my reading glasses on in what the two of us referred to as the “computer room” yet which also contains a treadmill, and wrote her a message that contained a link to this horrible advertisement reeking of new American fascism and ego.

“Dear Judith — I wonder what you think about this?” I wrote in the email, which of course I didn’t send. But I felt that there had been many times in the course of our marriage, which of course is not formally “over,” when I had dictated my thoughts to her in the guise of having a conversation but had not been solicitous of her own opinions on the issues and such of the day. And I wanted to begin to correct that.

Of course as I have mentioned already I did not send the email. It is still sitting in my “drafts,” waiting to be sent, though one has the sense as well that by the end of today, once the midterms are finished and the votes are cast, there won’t be much of a purpose in sending such an email. This phase of American politics will be finished. And anyway I told my psychotherapist, a gentle bearded man about my age whom I drive downtown to see once per month, that I would not reach out to Judith to discuss the issues and such of the day, that I would not air my views to, or ask for views from, someone who is not there anymore — not here. Yet still all I would have to do is click “send,” not that at times I open the email draft wondering for minutes whether to click “send,” what she would feel seeing my name there, what kind of views she would air when she sent her reply, though I have done this once or twice of course.

I Offer Concluding Thoughts

Go vote! Our democracy depends on it. I of course have already early voted (Crist — fingers crossed) and will spend the day waiting for the returns to come in. As earlier readers might remember — and to new readers: welcome! — I am a pediatrician and will spend the day seeing my child patients, though not too many, because I am slowing my practice as I age.

Then I will come home and turn on the TV, where the pundits will no doubt be interpreting the day’s results even before they come in; they never seem to stop commentating. I will have a glass of wine, possibly two if there’s something to celebrate, although I have to say I’m not optimistic.

It is true of course that I wish I had someone to commiserate with when the negative results everyone expects eventually roll in. Of course, we have to remind ourselves that it might be days, even a week, before we know the whole picture. But even tonight my views will be so bitter, I’m sure, so stripped of hope for the future of our nation, that it will perhaps be better to have no one to air them to.